Friday, June 13, 2008
Back in 2007, I made some mistakes in my life. Some minor and some big enough for me to want to make a change in my life. So, not really being a new years resolution guy, I decided to make a few. Now that it is June, I have thought about how far I've come in the past six months and wanted to give myself a little evaluation. I had three major goals to conquer and then some little ones that followed. The first of the three, and the most important was being HONEST to myself and others. For a while there it seemed like I was trying to be someone I'm not, and that guy was no fun anyway. The RJ that would say or do anything just so he could "fit in" never actually did, and therefore only pushed people away. It was a lie to myself, and it was a lie to others. People called me on it and it was a huge wakeup call. Looking back, if I had the chance I would have slapped myself in the face with a silly stick. Why in the world would someone want to fit in by being someone their not? Deep down I always wanted to be liked for who I REALLY am, but thought no one would see me for me. Boy was I wrong. This year has shown me that by being myself, I'm being someone that is unique and different. Someone not afraid to just be themselves and not worry about what others think. I'm not in high school anymore so it was time to stop acting like I was. Now I'm just me. Me in my own skin, in my own life and not trying to live vicariously through others. I still have my moments where I think I'm being an idiot or wish I would have done something better, but then I realize I'm forever changing and who I am a year from now, will be different in some way, to who I am today. As long as I'm happy with who I am and where I'm going, I really don't think I'll have room to complain. So I give myself an A minus as far as all thats concerned.
The second was to be more SPIRITUAL. Not only with God but within myself. I'm not talking about going to church or reading up on the scriptures to gain knowledge, but finding my own personal relationship with God. This one is hard to explain, but going along with finding out who I am, I see little hints of God's plan for me. Opening myself up to the spirit and be in tune with his promptings I can better hear the whispers in my ear that I need to hear. It has helped me so much to understand what I have to do. Does he tell me which way to go? No. Does he give me the option to choose? Yes. The best way to describe it, is like having my own life tutor not tell me the answer but letting me find the answer on my own. And when I find something, I go for it. I feel like I was just filled up with the highest grade of heavenly diesel, and I go full steam ahead! I'm still learning so many things. Within the church and within myself, but it feels great to know what I have come to find out over the past few years and especially the past six months. I give myself a B plus on my spiritual quest.
The last mojor goal was to just LOVE LIFE, no matter what happens. For this one I gave myself an A minus. Here is why. Holy cow have I had some of the happiest and saddest times these past few months. I have come to find out new levels of love and to experience great loss. I have come closer to my friends and family and closer to myself. I have found that happiness is not in any materialistic item but being close to a certain someone or best friend or family member. I've also learned you can't always get what you want... but if you wait long enough, patience will open your eyes to something better. I've learned I can't sit around and wait for things to come, but to go and get those things the best way I know how. And if things don't work out the way I plan, or want, I pick myself up off the ground and do it again. I can't give up on life, or on God, because God won't give up on me ( thanks cucumber for that quote) :). Life is too good to worry about the small stuff, and no matter how hard things may seem, if you want it bad enough, great things will come your way. You just have to know where to find them.
PS. Not to worry, the hilarious Ryan James will be back on tour shortly. :)
