The Life of Ryan...

The last time I remember being in a physical fight was in high school. I don't really know who won, but I remember both of us walking away with bruised ego's and bloody lips. I hate fighting. Whether it's with words or daggers or a simple argument. It just seems silly to me. Well I find that if I do start an argument or try to prove a point I simply just can't give up. I don't know why. Stubborn maybe? I just feel like I have something to prove. Rarely do I accept I'm wrong, but I need to understand that frankly... I'm not always right. Where is this going? I'll briefly tell you. The past while I've been fighting pretty hard to prove something. What that is is classified information, but I'm sure most of you already know. :) It's something I'd wake up to in the morning to think how was I going to tackle this great obstacle. Even when hope seemed lost there was still this voice in the back of my head saying, "Ryan James! Don't you give up." So I would hold on to whatever I could. I'd sit back and wait for the glory to come to me. Victory would be mine! I just knew this would happen because I have never wanted something so bad in my entire life. I have never put so much heart and soul into anything! And this people....was worth fighting for. I'd get encouragement from both sides of the lines, that would fill my hope bottle drop by drop. Sooner or later... all this was going to be worth it. All the sweat and tears and restless nights and prayers would soon manifest into this wonderful gift from God.

But not all stories have happy endings. I'm afraid mine isn't so lucky to be happy ever after just yet. I've come to realize that there is only so much one can do... and sometimes, that isn't enough. So...I'm throwing in the towel. Raising the white flag and walking away with my tail in between my legs. This fight was not meant for me to win. Which SUCKS! I'm pretty sure I've never taken anything like this so bad, but that's life sometimes. I know by doing this I'm giving up so much and it rips my heart into pieces I'm not sure can be fixed anytime soon. This isn't what I want at all... but It's what I have to do. I hope things can turn out in the end... but I feel like I'm losing one of the greatest things to have ever come into my life, and that... is the worse feeling in the world. I don't care who you are... it sucks. So I guess it's time to move on, but I sure will miss my cucumber...